I love Valentine’s Day. It’s a nice little bright spot in the gloomy winter months. Being single, I’m not embittered by the whole “Day of Love” shtick. However, there is a lot of pressure placed on the single masses–just like Thanksgiving. If you’ve ever been put in an awkward situation due to your single status on Valentine’s Day, then you need this helpful guide.
For those of you who remember my original Alibi Mad Libs, you will notice that I’ve kept with the same easy-to-customize prompts to help. Maybe you need to do a little bragging to the homeboys at the office the day after. Maybe you need to make your friend jealous by describing your kickass time. Either way, you need this guide. Because no one should make you feel bad for being single. And, if anything, maybe it’ll at least put a smile on your face.
GETTING ASKED ON A “PITY DATE”
Hello, [person’s name]. While I appreciate you thinking of me on Valentine’s Day, I regretfully decline going out for [activity] with you. This means that there will be no [adverb], no [adverb], and especially no [adverb]. Don’t get me wrong, I think that you are a wonderful woman/man/person, but I personally do not think of you in a/an [adjective] way. But, if you’re looking for someone to go out with you, might I suggest [another person’s name]?
The best offense is defense in these situations. Also, it never hurts to pass off this awkward moment onto someone else.
IN LIEU OF FLOWERS
Dear [your name],
You are [adjective]; the [noun] of my [noun]. When I think of the name [your name], my [noun] beats all a titter. In addition, you are the most [adjective] [noun] in the world. I look forward to spending time with you this evening in our apartment/house/bungalow/hollow.
“Like” if you cry every time.
And no, it’s not sad to send flowers to yourself.
Hey, [disgusting pet name], are you thinking what I’m thinking? Yeah you are, you dirty [noun]. You know what sounds so [adjective]? [Verb ending in -ing] on the couch all by myself with [food]. Oh yeah, [disgusting pet name], papa/mama gonna treat you real nice tonight.
And you say you never do anything romantic for yourself.
Bonus Mad Lib!
YOUR DAY AFTER VALENTINE’S STORY
Oh hai, [person you know], let me tell you about my [adjective] Valentine’s Day. First, I got woken up by the [adjective] [sense] of [noun]. Then, I treated myself to [activity], where I ran into [your favorite celebrity]. So, we got [plural noun] together, then we went out to [place] and [verb ending in -ed]. Long story short, [your favorite celebrity] confessed their love for me, and at the end of the day, they [verb ending in -ed] me. It was magical.
Let your friend be jealous that you got to verb with your favorite celebrity. I mean, how can anyone top that?
I hope you Nerds enjoyed this edition of Alibi Mad Libs! Did you ever have an awkward Valentine’s Day? Let me know down below. Fo’ sho’, bro.
Life was meant to be lived nerdily, so what are you waiting for?